Getting Old Sucks
In a recent group therapy session, I talked about being the oldest person in the room in more than one area of my life these days — therapy group, improv class, and at work.
And I said that sometimes I feel like my age makes younger people treat me differently: like I don’t matter, like I’m invisible, basically.
BTW, I’m 54. People older than me don’t think that’s very old. But to all the 20- and 30-somethings I’m around, that’s a big age gap.
This one guy in the group proceeded to basically tell me it’s all in my head and if I choose to believe the world is out to get me… blah blah blah. It kinda pissed me off so I decided I should just smile and wave, boys, smile and wave.
It’s been hard to articulate even to myself exactly what I’ve been feeling about it so I wasn’t going to try to do that with Mr. Know-It-All, in front of other, younger people.
Since then, though, I’ve figured out that I’m feeling frustrated and “less-than” about how, as we get older, there are cultural expectations for how we should behave. For example, women of a certain age are expected to dress more “modestly.” Mini skirts and cleavage are fine in your 20s but definitely not in your 50s.
I could go on, listing all the things we are expected to change about ourselves based only on age, not our needs or preferences. Slang, music, food, technology.
I know I can actually wear and do whatever, and go wherever I want. But I also know the judgment older people get if they cross the line or just ignore the line altogether.
As we get older, there are cultural expectations for how we should behave.
It’s just demeaning to know we’re expected to follow these cultural rules of aging. And we all pretty much do it! And it’s *infuriating* when younger people act like it’s not real; like we’re not treated with condescension, pity, amusement, disregard.
I’ve also been thinking about how I must have done the same thing to people older than me, up until the age that it started happening to me. Bleh. Karma’s a bitch.
Back to the guy from group therapy, it’s funny that he was young (and clueless) enough not to realize that by mansplaining to me and invalidating my feelings, he confirmed exactly what I said has been bothering me about getting older. Age-ism, misogyny, who knows? Karma will catch up with him, too.
